Stopwatch, Box Man, and tyo15rocks
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story.
This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read . Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!
Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings
BoxMan1020 Whack! Aaaaagh!! The pilot falls to the floor unconscious. The copilot pulls a gun, but the man gets to the copilot before he could pull the trigger.
The pilot wonders, who is this man and why did he do this. Hi BoxMan. One star I have for you is the fact that you used onomatopoeia (Whack, Aaaaagh) to begin the story. That added some sounds to draw me into the story right away. Another star is that you use punctuation well so it's easy for me to read your sentences. A wish I have is that you'd finish so I find out why the man hit the pilot!
Mrs. S.
Hi BoxMan - I liked how you used Whack, and Aaaagh to begin your story, it added some great details. I look forward to reading your finished story. - Mrs. Eitzen Hi BoxMan I think that you have a really fantastic starting words like Whack and Aaaaagh!!!. - Stopwatch
The Murder in Osaka - by Stopwatch
My name is Sasuke.
I am 22 years old and I was born in Edo (the capital city of Japan)but now I live in Osaka the year is 1723. As I walked up the pathway to my hut It felt like something was wrong. As I walked in I felt to my surprise a sword on my throat but to my relief it was my sensei (my master). After getting over the shock that my master almost beheaded me I asked why he was here, when he came back with some tea he told me that my family was killed.
After I got over the thought my family was murdered we had a chat about who would do such a devilish thing when we heard it a low yelp came from outside. It was my dog Ponyo she was holding something in her teeth it was my mail.
While we were inspect the mail we reached the bottom of the pile where we found a disturbing note from the murderers that my family was killed and that they were no after me.
Hi Stopwatch - I enjoyed reading the description of your character to help the reader understand who the main character was, and when the story takes place. I also like the descriptive words you used, such as, devilis thing. My wish is that you make sure to read over your sentences to make sure they make sense for the reader. The last sentence is confusing. Mrs. Eitzen
hi stopwatch I like how you jump in to action. I like the history in your story.I think you should have a longer story.- BoxMan.
The Murder in Osaka
by Stopwatch My name is Sasuke. I am 22 years old and I was born in Edo (the capital city of Japan)but now I live in Osaka the year is 1723. As I walked up the pathway to my hut It felt like something was wrong. As I walked in I felt to my surprise a sword on my throat but to my relief it was my sensei (my master).
After getting over the shock that my master almost beheaded me, I asked why he was here. When he came back with some tea he told me that my family was killed. After I got over the thought my family was murdered we had a chat about who would do such a devilish thing. Then we heard it a low yelp come from outside.
It was my dog Ponyo she was holding something in her teeth, it was my mail. While we were inspecting the mail we reached the bottom of the pile where we found a disturbing note from the murderers, that my family was killed and that they were now after me.
It happened so fast, an arrow pierced me hard in the shoulder. Then there was a sting and then everything started to go fuzzy. When I awoke my master was leaned over me his sword unsheathed. He said, “ are you awake now”. He had a sad voice and a grim look on his face.
Suddenly, a man from behind him came into view. I tried to yell to my master but the mans move was quick and smooth, and could not be matched. Within seconds my master's body was laying on the ground dead.
The man looked at the corpse then at me. I quickly scanned the room for something to defend myself with. There it was my masters sword was on the floor in front of me, but to my horror he saw it to.
I jumped and grabbed it and went in for an attack. I slashed his cheek. He said stop instantly. I knew it was my friend Hanotoro. The pieces were all coming together. My friend was a murderer, and I was about to die where I stood. I ran through the door . I knew it was a quick get away, but I got away in time. I grabbed my horse and rode off into the horizon.
I knew that he would eventually catch up to me, but all I could do is run. I thought that I could lose him in a crowd, but I was foolish, I hid in the nearest abandoned building.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps from behind me. I ran for it, only to find that it was a Gypsy women, but I still ran. I ran past a samurai who stopped me to ask why I was running. I told him all about what I just witnessed when I saw him.
It was a nightmare. I turned around and there he was he still had his sword drawn. He started to run for me. I dove in an allyway where I found myself cornered. When he came he sheathed his sword and sat down and started to talk about my master, and how he betrayed his religion, and became an assassin, and how I was being targeted by outlaws.
He was the one who killed my family under orders. That was when It dawned on me that he had saved my life.
The End Air Force One By Box man Tuesday evening Air Force One was beginning to load it's
passengers, security, and the President of the U.S.A The
paparazzi was swamping the plane, and snapping pictures.
One of the security guards named Sam saw someone looking
suspicious and did not look like one of his friends. The man
was wearing his friends uniform, so the security guard asked
Him if he was Kevin. The man responded with a different
Accent and said yes, so the guard let him go.
Sam and Kevin walked on the plane as Air Force One started taking off. An hour later......
Whack! Aaaaagh!! The pilot falls to the floor unconscious. The copilot pulls a gun, but the man gets to the copilot before he could pull the trigger. The pilot wonders, who is this killer and why did he do this?
The killer walks out of the cockpit and straight to an empty seat at the end of the plane. He glances up at the television which shows that the plane is halfway to its destination. Suddenly the plane starts to shake as it hits a patch of turbulence. The fasten seatbelt light comes on and everyone starts to sit down.
As he heads to the President's Room he has to go on the elevator or the stairs. As he weighs out his options and decides to take the elevator...
He presses the button to go down, the entrance opens and passenger’s race out of the elevator. When all the passengers get off the elevator Sam the guard gets on the elevator not noticing that there was a killer in the elevator. Sam said hello to the man, not knowing he was killer. The killer replied and said, “Hello.” Sam exclaims, “Don't you think this plane is extraordinary!” “yes yes” said the killer in a deep voice.
The killer got off the elevator with Sam and they walked off in separate directions. The killer looks up at the signs and notices “Presidents’ Room” with an arrow pointing in the direction. He saw guards. He walked up to the guards and showed them his stolen badge. The guards let him pass without knowing he was a killer. Sam the guard, was walking to the bathroom and
opened the door… and saw a man on the floor. That man’s name was… Kevin! In Sam’s head he thought “if that is Kevin then who is the other man”? Then pulling a walky-talky and talking to all the guards and saying “security breech”!
So all guards started to secrch every room on the plane and each guard said clear in every room. Until the guards walked into the cockpit. The guards rush to the floor and he said “the pilot is stable but the copilot was killed!! Sam the guard just forgot to do the Presidents Room so they split up in to 2 groups. Group 1 is to check up on the passengers. Group 2 is going to the president’s room. The killer is just fling by guards and getting closer to the president’s room then he opens the door to the president’s room as he is a sleep. The killer walked up to his bed and pulled a bomb just as he was going to detonated it. Guards came pouring into the room and shot the killer with a dart gun before blowing up the plane. His real name was Bob. Then he got flown to Miami and went to court and got life in prison.
Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story.
This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read . Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story.
So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you!
Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion area for postings
BoxMan1020
Whack! Aaaaagh!! The pilot falls to the floor unconscious. The copilot pulls a gun, but the man gets to the copilot before he could pull the trigger.
The pilot wonders, who is this man and why did he do this.
Hi BoxMan. One star I have for you is the fact that you used onomatopoeia (Whack, Aaaaagh) to begin the story. That added some sounds to draw me into the story right away. Another star is that you use punctuation well so it's easy for me to read your sentences. A wish I have is that you'd finish so I find out why the man hit the pilot!
Mrs. S.
Hi BoxMan - I liked how you used Whack, and Aaaagh to begin your story, it added some great details. I look forward to reading your finished story. - Mrs. Eitzen
Hi BoxMan I think that you have a really fantastic starting words like Whack and Aaaaagh!!!. - Stopwatch
The Murder in Osaka - by Stopwatch
My name is Sasuke.
I am 22 years old and I was born in Edo (the capital city of Japan)but now I live in Osaka the year is 1723. As I walked up the pathway to my hut It felt like something was wrong.
As I walked in I felt to my surprise a sword on my throat but to my relief it was my sensei (my master). After getting over the shock that my master almost beheaded me I asked why he was here, when he came back with some tea he told me that my family was killed.
After I got over the thought my family was murdered we had a chat about who would do such a devilish thing when we heard it a low yelp came from outside. It was my dog Ponyo she was holding something in her teeth it was my mail.
While we were inspect the mail we reached the bottom of the pile where we found a disturbing note from the murderers that my family was killed and that they were no after me.
Hi Stopwatch - I enjoyed reading the description of your character to help the reader understand who the main character was, and when the story takes place. I also like the descriptive words you used, such as, devilis thing. My wish is that you make sure to read over your sentences to make sure they make sense for the reader. The last sentence is confusing. Mrs. Eitzen
hi stopwatch I like how you jump in to action. I like the history in your story.I think you should have a longer story.- BoxMan.
The Murder in Osaka
by
Stopwatch
My name is Sasuke.
I am 22 years old and I was born in Edo (the capital city of Japan)but now I live in Osaka the year is 1723. As I walked up the pathway to my hut It felt like something was wrong. As I walked in I felt to my surprise a sword on my throat but to my relief it was my sensei (my master).
After getting over the shock that my master almost beheaded me, I asked why he was here. When he came back with some tea he told me that my family was killed. After I got over the thought my family was murdered we had a chat about who would do such a devilish thing. Then we heard it a low yelp come from outside.
It was my dog Ponyo she was holding something in her teeth, it was my mail. While we were inspecting the mail we reached the bottom of the pile where we found a disturbing note from the murderers, that my family was killed and that they were now after me.
It happened so fast, an arrow pierced me hard in the shoulder. Then there was a sting and then everything started to go fuzzy. When I awoke my master was leaned over me his sword unsheathed. He said, “ are you awake now”. He had a sad voice and a grim look on his face.
Suddenly, a man from behind him came into view. I tried to yell to my master but the mans move was quick and smooth, and could not be matched. Within seconds my master's body was laying on the ground dead.
The man looked at the corpse then at me. I quickly scanned the room for something to defend myself with. There it was my masters sword was on the floor in front of me, but to my horror he saw it to.
I jumped and grabbed it and went in for an attack. I slashed his cheek. He said stop instantly. I knew it was my friend Hanotoro. The pieces were all coming together. My friend was a murderer, and I was about to die where I stood. I ran through the door . I knew it was a quick get away, but I got away in time. I grabbed my horse and rode off into the horizon.
I knew that he would eventually catch up to me, but all I could do is run. I thought that I could lose him in a crowd, but I was foolish, I hid in the nearest abandoned building.
Suddenly, I heard footsteps from behind me. I ran for it, only to find that it was a Gypsy women, but I still ran. I ran past a samurai who stopped me to ask why I was running. I told him all about what I just witnessed when I saw him.
It was a nightmare. I turned around and there he was he still had his sword drawn. He started to run for me. I dove in an allyway where I found myself cornered. When he came he sheathed his sword and sat down and started to talk about my master, and how he betrayed his religion, and became an assassin, and how I was being targeted by outlaws.
He was the one who killed my family under orders. That was when It dawned on me that he had saved my life.
The End
Air Force One
By
Box man
Tuesday evening Air Force One was beginning to load it's
passengers, security, and the President of the U.S.A The
paparazzi was swamping the plane, and snapping pictures.
One of the security guards named Sam saw someone looking
suspicious and did not look like one of his friends. The man
was wearing his friends uniform, so the security guard asked
Him if he was Kevin. The man responded with a different
Accent and said yes, so the guard let him go.
Sam and Kevin walked on the plane as Air Force One started taking off. An hour later......
Whack! Aaaaagh!! The pilot falls to the floor unconscious. The copilot pulls a gun, but the man gets to the copilot before he could pull the trigger. The pilot wonders, who is this killer and why did he do this?
The killer walks out of the cockpit and straight to an empty seat at the end of the plane. He glances up at the television which shows that the plane is halfway to its destination. Suddenly the plane starts to shake as it hits a patch of turbulence. The fasten seatbelt light comes on and everyone starts to sit down.
As he heads to the President's Room he has to go on the elevator or the stairs. As he weighs out his options and decides to take the elevator...
He presses the button to go down, the entrance opens and passenger’s race out of the elevator. When all the passengers get off the elevator Sam the guard gets on the elevator not noticing that there was a killer in the elevator. Sam said hello to the man, not knowing he was killer. The killer replied and said, “Hello.” Sam exclaims, “Don't you think this plane is extraordinary!” “yes yes” said the killer in a deep voice.
The killer got off the elevator with Sam and they walked off in separate directions. The killer looks up at the signs and notices “Presidents’ Room” with an arrow pointing in the direction. He saw guards. He walked up to the guards and showed them his stolen badge. The guards let him pass without knowing he was a killer. Sam the guard, was walking to the bathroom and
opened the door… and saw a man on the floor. That man’s name was… Kevin! In Sam’s head he thought “if that is Kevin then who is the other man”? Then pulling a walky-talky and talking to all the guards and saying “security breech”!
So all guards started to secrch every room on the plane and each guard said clear in every room. Until the guards walked into the cockpit. The guards rush to the floor and he said “the pilot is stable but the copilot was killed!! Sam the guard just forgot to do the Presidents Room so they split up in to 2 groups. Group 1 is to check up on the passengers. Group 2 is going to the president’s room. The killer is just fling by guards and getting closer to the president’s room then he opens the door to the president’s room as he is a sleep. The killer walked up to his bed and pulled a bomb just as he was going to detonated it. Guards came pouring into the room and shot the killer with a dart gun before blowing up the plane. His real name was Bob. Then he got flown to Miami and went to court and got life in prison.
The end